Ever read the quote, “I’m not what I think I am, I’m not what you think I am, I’m not what I think you think I am.”
Sounds confusing, right? It is known as the Looking Glass Self Theory introduced by Charles Horton Cooley. Well, what does that mean? Let’s unpack it then!
Reflections! Reflections!
Cooley’s theory implies that self essentially involves more than self-observation and the thinking of people. Rather, it is governed by how we perceive that, others perceive us. It is similar to self-observation, yet we do not observe ourselves straight but try to realize how other individuals observe us. This reflection determines how we perceive ourselves as having a particular personality and identity.
If I define it by an example then it’ll be crystal clear!
While presenting a project in a class, Jahir notices some classmates giving him a thumbs-up or smiling, which boosts his confidence and reassures him that his presentation is on the right track. However, he soon observes a few classmates are looking bored or distracted, planting seeds of doubt in his mind that Did he make mistakes? Did he fail to engage everyone as a good presenter should do?
Breaking Down the Quote!
At the first glance, Cooley’s quote might seem hard to understand. However, after analyzing the quote, it becomes clearer. Actually, it’s about the different aspects of how we see ourselves, and how this happens is an essential part of the process. So, let’s break it down!
This concept reflects the complexity of Self-perception and the influence of people.
- I’m not what I think I am – Our self-perception might be confusing and we don’t fully understand ourselves.
- I’m not what you think I am – We might not be defined by how others see us, because their views can be limited or incomplete.
- I am what I think you think I am – People’s self-identity is formed based on what they ‘imagine’ others could think about them. In other words, one unconsciously imitates what one believes others feel about him or her, despite the facts.
This highlights how much we rely on external validation to define who we are.
Why does it matter? ‘The Social Mirror’
Why should we bother with the Looking Glass Self then? For it always brings back memories of how much control others have over how we perceive ourselves. We do feel confident or insecure, successful or inadequate based on the reactions from others around us. And it is a striking concern, despite the fact that often people tend to think that identity is shaped individually, apart from society.
But here’s the catch of the concept: The “mirror” of perception isn’t always clear. Sometimes, people have different thoughts of how others see them, and this can lead people to have a high opinion of oneself.
Being in Charge of What We Mirror
So, how can we use the Looking Glass Self to help us? Thus, having awareness about how our conception of others’ reactions to events affects our self-perception we can gradually develop a more realistic positive identity. We know when we are allowing others to color our vision significantly instead of allowing ourselves to be okay with what we see.
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Writer
Jemi Sailuk
Intern, Content Writing Department
YSSE