How often do you exhaust yourself trying to fulfill all your goals that will make you happy? Do you get over your successes easily once they are achieved? Have you ever asked yourself where does this endless loop stop? Then it’s time that you know about the happiness paradox.
What is the ‘Happiness Paradox’?
This idea by Psychologist Iris Mauss states that ‘When people hanker after happiness too much, or when they make being happy their goal, that’s when people fall into the endless cycle of mental dissatisfaction.’
Nowadays, most of the reels that circulate throughout our fyp, or the message conveyed by cinemas, movies, and songs depict a picture of how we all should strive to be better or to achieve the happily ever after. That is simply a distorted reality that drags people down to the well of suffering.
Now, one question that you may ask is,
How making happiness a goal can be harmful to one?
As humans, by nature we are always on a hunt, we look for the perfect job, a high-end salary, a big house or a perfect spouse. But the moment we get what we want, there is only a fleeting moment of gratification. Instantly the feeling of wanting more consumes us. This pursuit of happiness makes us so deeply focused on the future, or on the things we don’t have. Which makes it tough for us to be present at the moment and be grateful. In the book, ‘What you are looking for is in the Library’, Michiko Aoyama describes the concept of ‘The merry-go-round’ where each and every person is envious or desires to have what the other person has. The singles envy the married, and the married envies the singles while no one is ultimately coming first or last in this race of happiness. In being happy there is no definitive state. Hence this endless cycle leaves the one chasing happiness exhausted.
What can be done in order to steer clear of this merry-go-round?
From the words of a neurologist and a holocaust survivor Viktor E. Frankl, we must let happiness happen to us by not caring about it much. The happiness research, shows, that the more significance you assign to your emotions the more likely you are to suffer psychological troubles. “Happiness cannot be pursued, it must ensue.” That is, happiness will eventually follow you by not thinking about it much. Stressing over a promotion or achieving the highest CGPA will do nothing but overwhelm you in the long run. Some steps that will save you from such a state of chasing happiness ceaselessly are as follows-
Remember that you have a choice:
After the devastation of the city of Gaza, we saw clips of people enjoying their Eid festival to the fullest. How do you think that happened even after losing their close ones, their home, their ever-comfortable beds, and their ability to buy new clothes? That is by choosing to be happy at the moment with whatever they have. Viktor E. Frankl names it as, the last of the human freedoms- to choose one’s attitude in any set of circumstances. You can choose to be happy with whatever CGPA you have now and not stress over it much. Let your efforts be best the next time and see success run to you.
Be Grateful for the moment:
The true transformation starts when you take some minutes off your work schedule, sit down and just be grateful for the things you have now. From the minor of the blessings that you may think of, your hands, your eyesight, the ability to breathe, a roof over your head and the safe water to drink. Take out a journal and write down all the things you can be grateful for. Do meditation for a couple of minutes. In Islam, the practice of zikr five times a day, saying ‘Alhamdulillah’- ‘All Praise to be God’ adds religious significance to being grateful. This practice of gratitude will surely help you overlook the void of not having much.
Practice Acceptance:
Many times, we get frustrated for things not being our way. For not being able to study the subject we always wanted, not getting the finest of jobs to make our parents happy, lagging in building a family, and whatnot. This state of running behind our wishes and desires constantly makes us forget to accept our failures and shortcomings, the inevitable part of life. Thus, acknowledge your feelings, celebrate your smallest of successes, be kind to yourself, and let go of resentments.
As life is a journey where there are no smooth surfaces, we can stop neither the happiest days from coming nor the worst of our days. Hence, without chasing happiness further we should let the happiness run to us.
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Writer
Alima Zaim
Intern, Content Writing Department
YSSE.